The Successful Degenerate
Welcome to "The Successful Degenerate Podcast," where authenticity and triumph meet. Join me as I fearlessly share my journey from a college graduate to a homeless drug addict, to prison, and finally achieving success in sales. Through genuine storytelling and vulnerable moments, we'll break barriers and inspire listeners facing life's challenges. Together, we'll redefine success and showcase the transformative power of resilience. Join us on this empowering ride of hope, personal growth, and unstoppable determination.
The Successful Degenerate
Love, Loss, and Addiction: Navigating Life's Curveballs
Life has a way of throwing curveballs... It takes us on unexpected paths and sometimes, it's a struggle just to keep up. In the midst of all this, my grandfather often reminded me, "Control your thoughts and you control your mind." How has that mantra guided me through the upheavals of my personal journey?
Tune in and we'll explore together.
This episode takes you through my journey between 2004 and 2008, a period marked by loss, love, life lessons, and the haunting shadows of addiction. This episode was tough, recounting the profound impact of losing my grandfather and a close friend in quick succession. I also take you through my relationship with Kaitlin, who played an instrumental role in my life, but was also linked to a period of intense personal turmoil.
On this ride, we'll walk the rocky path of my escalating addiction and its toll on my relationships, the pressures of college life in Tucson, and my battles with depression and manic bipolar disorder.
As we move towards the end of this episode, I recount the grim realities of my life post-college. I talk about my struggles with a severe OxyContin addiction while living with my parents and working in the pharmacy industry. This journey hasn't been easy, and it's led to some harsh truths, difficult attempts at quitting, and a life-altering stint in rehab. Yet, through it all, the support I've received has been my saving grace. Join me on this journey and perhaps, you'll find reflections of your own challenges, and the strength to face them head on.
The Successful Degenerate is produced by Brandon Caldwell and Eric Smith from Abuveground.
Make sure to connect and follow on our socials. Rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Subscribe and follow on your favorite platforms so you're notified when new episodes go live!
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What's up everybody? Welcome back. It's the successful degenerate. Hey, my bad guys took a week off. Life got a little bit busy. We'll get into it here in just a minute.
Speaker 1:But let's, you know, start off by reviewing kind of where we left off last episode. So last episode we left off with sharing with you my first experience with weed and also got into a little bit of how my friend group was starting to develop. Also, we also got into the Caitlyn addiction. So how do we distinguish between Caitlyn number one and Caitlyn number two? Problem solved, I figured it out. I know, let's give me a round of applause, you know I get it. But hey, caitlyn number one is going to be Caitlyn and Caitlyn number two is going to be Kate. Okay, well, it's just, it's done, settled, problem solved.
Speaker 1:But on today's episode, guys, the time period of which this you know episode takes place is going to be between the years of 2004 and 2008. But we're going to begin with a quick life update the loss of some key people in my life. Next, of course, we're going to dive into the relationship with Caitlyn and stay to the end of the episode where we start to be, you know, begin to really get into, you know, a new career and how the disease of addiction really begins to progress within my life. But first, quick life update. Everybody Apologize for missing the release last week. You know it can be hard at times to sit here and dive back into my own life Right Now. Not saying that that's an excuse, right, but there are certain topics that do hit harder than others. For me in this episode is definitely going to be filled with some of those moments in my life. To be truthful, I have been procrastinating, digesting this episode out, you know, out of fear of bringing up some really difficult emotions. But it's time to bring this episode to life, right, and I'm prepared to do so. So that's the life update.
Speaker 1:Outside of that, you know, work is going great. Things are really starting to progress there. Family's great, right, you know, looking forward, mom and Rick are coming back home here in a couple of weeks. Cannot wait for that, miss them. So so much. But hey, then they're going out of town, not even out of town out of the country, for, you know, several weeks. So it's like, hey, you know, come back, spend a little bit of time and then leave. Right, the life of retirement cannot wait to get there one day. One day it will happen.
Speaker 1:But you know, outside of that, megan's working. She's doing wonderful. Oh, I do have a new roommate in the house, megan's friend Lori. She's staying with me for a little bit. It's been such a pleasure having her here. She's been such a wonderful help, as far as you know, with the dogs and everything, and not to I mean outside of that. It's just been great to have someone to spend time with, like an, and just chat, right, that's great. So you know, although everybody loves living on their own, you know, in times like these where you can step in and really kind of help someone out, and you know that's important in your life and that's important to other people in your life, you know it's just it's great. And today, you know I'm grateful to be in a position where I can lend a helping hand like that and it's just, it's wonderful.
Speaker 1:But let's get into the episode, guys. So we're going to begin with. You know the loss of some key, some key people in my life, and you know it first started off. You know, remember we graduated high school back in May of 05. And about a month later, you know is essentially when grandpa passed away.
Speaker 1:But, you know, let's begin by telling you a little bit about grandpa. So grandpa was a career Air Forceman, traveled the world, spent 20 plus years in the Air Force where he eventually brought the family to Luke Air Force Base here in Arizona, which you know settled the family down out in Peoria. Mom graduated high school out there and really obviously never left. Born and raised here in Arizona, but grandpa was from there. He went into, he was a salesman get it right, understand why where I get the gene from but he sold insurance for a long time. But more so, he was just a great man. Right, there's no better man on this planet. In my mind. He was amazing. He was amazing.
Speaker 1:But throughout my life grandpa took me on numerous, numerous adventures right, everything from fishing to shooting, to camping, to learning about nature and all that nature has to offer. Grandpa also was there to really instill a lot of values and morals in my life, and I think this is kind of like a good moment to get into the most important one, right, in my opinion, and I remember this day like it was yesterday, like a super vivid right. Grandpa and I were at grandpa's house. We're sitting outside and he sits me down and he's like, hey, let's just chat right, and so we're talking right.
Speaker 1:Well, one of the things that grandpa had mentioned in this conversation and I don't remember much else from the conversation, but I do remember this, one of the things that he had mentioned to me is people can control a lot of things in this world that have an impact on your life. However, one thing that they cannot control and will never be able to control is your thoughts, your mind, and it's really up to you on how you use your mind and your thoughts and what you create internally for yourself. And that life lesson is still resonates with me to this day and I don't think it will ever leave. And it does come up in various moments throughout my life that I remember back on this or I think back on this, and I unfortunately feel like I fail because of mental health struggles, feeling like I'm not living up to my potential, and that I have zero control over my thoughts throughout my life, especially in my 20s, especially when you introduce drugs. And it was difficult because, no matter what, I always thought back on that and I knew that it was true, but for me at the moment in time it didn't ring true. I didn't feel in control of some of those things and it was just a pivotal moment, pivotal conversation that I'll never forget.
Speaker 1:But getting back on topic here, we lost my grandpa again that month after graduation to ALS. But let's get into kind of what happened. So the night before grandpa passed I called him and I made plans with him to pick him up the very next day to go out to lunch and he seemed in great spirits. There was really nothing out of the ordinary. Grandpa was never a complainer, no matter how much pain he was in or no matter how difficult life had become. That just wasn't grandpa.
Speaker 1:He always put the face on that was strong and able to deal and defeat this disease. Well, as we all know, als is unfortunately not defeatable, but he hung in there for as long as he could and he fought every step of the way and never gave up to the point where, as his muscles, and his legs specifically, started to deteriorate, he made these little contraptions out of belts that he would wrap around his legs and his knees, so that way he was still able to pull his legs forward or manipulate his legs if he needed to. So that way he didn't necessarily need to conform to life in a wheelchair or some other mobility device. And it's just amazing watching him do that and to have the willpower to do that. And he fought tooth and nail to the very end, as far as not wanting to end up in that wheelchair, but of course that's kind of where it has to go eventually. Well, it wasn't far along after that moment that grandpa passed away, but he fought right.
Speaker 1:But getting back to that conversation with grandpa, I made plans to pick him up the very next day for lunch and unfortunately I never got to meet or make that lunch date with grandpa. But mom did call the next morning crying, essentially, is kind of what happened. But she was at the office and she basically said you and your brother need to get here quick. Come pick me up. We need to get out to grandpa's house. He passed away and we need to see him before the medics take him away from the house. And so we went out there, picked up Andrew and I got in the car, picked up mom from the office and headed out to the west side to see grandpa. And when we got there grandpa was in bed where he passed away in his sleep and I got to see mom say goodbye to him and that was tough. And then I got to say I said bye to him and then the medics put him on the stretcher and took him out of the house.
Speaker 1:But the impact that this had on my life was not necessarily immediate, but definitely, as the years progressed, this loss was definitely a huge impact on my life for multiple reasons. But after grandpa passed away it wasn't very long after that we lost my friend, joe Mug. Joe Mug was someone that came into my life later on in high school and was someone that we partied with and had a great time with, and he was just a great spirit and was a avid motorcyclist, raced dirt bikes. His entire life, growing up, lived with his dad and him and his dad both bonded over that hobby. Right, Well, I'm living essentially on my own at this point.
Speaker 1:I move out of my mom's house, basically December of 2005. And my house became, or my apartment became, the kind of the hangout spot. Well, unfortunately, when you got 15 people there every night, sometimes you end up having to say, hey, dude, there's just too many people. Well, one night Joe Mug called and that's unfortunately kind of what happened. He called me and there was like 20 people at the apartment at this time and we'll get into kind of that dynamic here in just a moment. But I had unfortunately said, joe, there's just too many people here, buddy, like tomorrow. And well, unfortunately I didn't get that tomorrow. None of us did so Joe the next day was on his way to work.
Speaker 1:He worked in a machine shop and was on his dad's motorcycle and pulled up next to a car at a stoplight, about not even a half mile away from his work, and decided to race. This car blew through a red light and essentially T-boned another vehicle that was making a left hand turn the bike. Obviously he didn't make it past that point, but that always kind of stung right, because it's like man, you learn life lessons, man are just sometimes difficult to learn, and this was definitely one of them, and it was don't take people or relationships for granted, because you never know what can potentially happen. And this was one of those moments where that's exactly what happened. Right, I took his friendship for granted and turned him away and the next day he's not there, and that's just kind of how life comes. So, oh, man, this episode sucks. Oh, I hope. Sorry, guys, we're gonna. Man, it's depressing so far and I apologize, I'm feeling depressed, but I think these stories are important to get into because these are some of these losses that it's just back to back to back and they stack up right. But the next one is man, it's just as bad. It's chip, and let me tell you a little bit about chip.
Speaker 1:Chip was a survivor first and foremost. Chip was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer during middle school and bravely fought that cancer for a long time as a kid and made it out, made it out on the other side, and you know this was during junior high school years. I didn't know Chip at this point. I wish I did. We know we went to two separate schools but I became very close with Chip. You know, later on Chip was the glue to the group, right, chip was the funny guy. He had everybody laughing at all times. He was the guy that you called to find out what everybody was doing, because everybody just kind of went through Chip. Right, chip was that guy. Everybody, every friend group has that, that person that just kind of knows what's happening and that everybody just kind of, you know, gravitates to. Well, that's Chip, and Chip was very much that person for the group and Chip was. I have so many stories to get into regarding Chip, but, man, you know, maybe we maybe will doesn't need an episode to chip later on, but it just for some of these stories, but they're phenomenal. But Chip was a blast. Chip was a riot. Chip lived every single day like it was his last. I mean, just an incredible human.
Speaker 1:But Chip and I, you know, we got together. You know when you're, when you're in high school, and you know, obviously, shortly after high school, and you're partying all the time and you're working and you're going to college and everything just seems great. And you decide, you know, hey, what a great time to move out of mom's house, right? Well, that's kind of what happened, and it happened quick. So, you know, after my first semester of freshman year I'm at MCC at this point, or Mesa Community College decide that it'd be a wonderful idea to move out of mom. So I, you know, find a roommate and Chip and I decide, hey, let's get this apartment together, two bedroom apartment, and this is just sign a six month lease, that's it. So six months, see how things go, and then kind of take it from there. Well, this place was the spot to be, unfortunately for me. But you know, that's kind of Chip was just working at the time. I'm in school and working obviously, and obviously, you know, don't get me wrong Love parting and having fun and we did a lot of that.
Speaker 1:But you know there's times throughout the week where you just kind of wish you could just chill right. Well, there was never a chill moment. Like literally every single night at the department there was like 10 to 20 people, no less than 10 people, on any given night. I mean guaranteed it was insane, it was nuts, and that went on for six months and you know. And then, essentially you know, lifestyle differences started to collide at that point and you know we decide that, you know, after the six months we're going to, you know different living arrangements and that's kind of what we did. But you know from there. You know, after that six months was up, I moved in with with Kurt into another apartment and then Chip basically moved back home with his parents. But you know, we still obviously saw each other quite often. My new apartment with Kurt wasn't necessarily the hangout spot every night but we definitely had a few friends over and one of those friends would would be Chip very often.
Speaker 1:But you know, let's kind of get into, you know what happened. But oh boy, so Tyler, my buddy Tyler, you know we haven't touched on Tyler yet, but Tyler was a really big, pivotal person in my life throughout, throughout my childhood. And you know, we'll get into, we'll get into some some Tyler stuff later, but let's focus on Chip. So Tyler moved into this new apartment and Chip was over there. It was during the day. They're outside on the patio smoking cigarettes and Chip's not drinking but he's just smoke. He's just smoking a cigarette in the middle of the day.
Speaker 1:This guy's upstairs, you know, evidently blaring, blaring music and stuff like that. But this, you know again, this is like a week after, or maybe not even two weeks, let's put it at two weeks, not even two weeks after Tyler moved into this apartment. Okay, and this guy upstairs comes downstairs and decides that he starts to want, he wants to start talking trash to Chip and Tyler out of nowhere, for just randomly I mean literally randomly and they kind of, you know, pushed off, ignore it for a period of time. But from there, you know, it kind of escalates, right, this guy walks out to the parking lot and then comes back and then, you know, essentially starts to pick a fight, a verbal argument, with Chip and Tyler again, and next thing, you know, he pulls out a gun and shoots Chip in the chest. Tyler is is is, luckily you can kind of inside.
Speaker 1:At this point he hears the gunshots runs to get his gun that was in in his, in his room, which was an AR 15, and came back out onto the patio Didn't see the guy, you know, but saw Chip laying there and chips got holes. Oh man, so so chips, chips laying there and he's and he's bleeding and he's and, um, you know they get on the phone with 911 and you know from there kind of what takes place. Is they should, you know? They, they show up, please show up, stuff like that. And they see Tyler with the gun and they, you know, tell them to push the gun away. And you know he's, I'm sure, telling them. You know that Chip's dying and stuff like that. And they asked who the other guy was. And Tyler was like what are you talking about? Well, come to find out. After Chip, after they, you know, this guy shot Chip, chip in the chest, he turned the gun on himself and then shot himself in the head. So you know, murder, suicide, random act of violence.
Speaker 1:There's some speculation that happened afterwards, that or I don't know if it's, if it's necessarily speculation, but I don't know for certain if some of these things are 100% the truth, but these are. This is kind of you know what I know and what I've been told and I think I'm right. But this guy lost his job that morning and had already was high on on methamphetamine and was already, you know, kind of planning on ending his life and unfortunately during that time period he decided to take Chip with him. So that's kind of that's what took place. There was a significant impact in my life and what happened from there was, you know, it changed the group dynamic significantly. Not only were we, you know, drinking all the time and smoking you know a bunch of weed, as usual, but everybody started this. You know experiment and dabble and other things. You know cocaine, opiates, pills, painkillers, you know volume, you know a bunch of things, and so it really kind of changed. And one of the things that you know Chip always stood up for during his life because, you know again, he fought cancer. During that time period he was on a morphine drip to control the pain and became, as a child, you know, severely addicted to morphine and one of the things that he was very much against was painkillers and, you know, experimenting with, you know, cocaine and those sorts of things. Well, after Chip passed, that's kind of what took place Everybody. Well, that was no longer the rule or the standard, I guess right. So that's kind of where we went from there.
Speaker 1:Let's get into the relationship with Caitlin now and let's start off with first, of course, with how we met, kind of a funny story. I think it's pretty comical. I don't know what you guys are going to think, but let's just. Let's just get into it. Okay, so we're at Anthony's house. Okay, anthony is part of the friend group, everybody. You know, kind of during this time period this was, you know, senior year in high school was was going over there to hang out right All the time, and Anthony would have these parties and, you know, random people would come in this night, you know Caitlin was there.
Speaker 1:Well, first and foremost, you know, I'm in the kitchen with Joe, not, not, not Joe Morgan, unfortunately a different Joe, but I'm in the kitchen with Joe, we're taking shots and Joe's Joe is a, at this point in time, severe, severe alcoholic, let's just put it that way, even at this age, right? And so Joe's taking these shots back to back to back. I'm trying to match him. Of course I don't last. Next thing, you know I'm running out back on the side of the house and I'm and I'm vomiting. You know we're I'm 10, 15 minutes into being at this party and I'm already out back throwing up.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, on the way back around the corner back into the house, I ran into Caitlin and you know, basically went up to her. She caught my eye and I said, hey, I just puked, you want to go do some shots? And she said, and she said, okay, and so that's kind of what. What happened? And next thing, you know we're inside the house and we're taking a shot and you know, things just kind of went from there.
Speaker 1:But, oh man, caitlin was, you know, we dated for, oh man, how long, how long, like three and a half years, a small period of time in there where we were not together, but total, yeah, it was about three and a half, about three and a half years, and it started in senior year in high school, again, during those winter months. And, oh man, and you know, high school sweetheart was madly in love with Caitlin, thought we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. You know that sort of thing. And you know, to this day Caitlin and I are still friends. She's amazing, she's still an instrumental person in my life, even though it's more of just acquaintances. I haven't seen her in a long time. Last time I saw her was in a courtroom and we'll get into that here in just a second. But you know, we still talk randomly and create person, just a phenomenal, phenomenal person and in a great friend right.
Speaker 1:But you know, caitlin and I we were madly in love and there was a period of time where, you know, I was not necessarily, you know, the best boyfriend and I mean that by not that I was, you know, being unfaithful or anything like that but I was not necessarily there right, mentally, right. I was. During this time period I was doing my disease has started to progress, I was starting to, you know, do pills randomly and I wasn't necessarily there emotionally for Caitlin and it was during this period of time that she started to become interested in one of the friends right, a guy named Corey Different Corey than we mentioned last episode that was Corey's female. Anyways, long story long, corey's a male, obviously. So she starts to become interested in Corey and starts to have eyes for Corey and again I just wasn't there, I didn't, I wasn't seeing that. You know I was starting to lose her and unfortunately I did. And it I started to notice that, you know, she was spending more time with him.
Speaker 1:There was a concert out in California rock the bells that everybody went to, that I was supposed to go to but had given my ticket away and, for whatever reason at the time, was not able to attend. So they all went out there and it was at this concert that Caitlin and Corey had developed this bond and from there just started to progress. And next thing, you know, they're together and I'm just absolutely devastated at this point. Right, can't blame her. I mean, I was not the ideal candidate at the time. To be honest with you Now to say that what happened was right no, of course not. I mean I think everybody can agree with that. Right, but we're not going to sit here and bag on someone for mistakes that that took place at the age of 20 and 18, 19, right, like that's not fair. I think everybody kind of makes mistakes at that age and unfortunately, this is kind of something that happened.
Speaker 1:But you know, what took place is, you know, even kind of worse was Caitlin had moved into this house with a few of the friends and this now, this new house now became like the hangout spot, right, well, I don't want to go over there. I mean, I do, but I don't right, because if I go over there, I got to see Caitlin and Corey together and I don't want to see that. And so, you know, this divide starts to take place within the friend group. You know, and it's unfortunate, but you know it was very difficult for me to deal with at the time. Friendship started to fade and it was kind of became clear at that moment you know who was truly a friend and who wasn't and who was going to have, you know, my back and still kind of come around and see me and, you know, do other things besides, hang out at this house, and there wasn't many.
Speaker 1:And then, and that became, you know, very clear, right, well, I'm living in this apartment now with a new roommate, a coworker, who was a coworker that developed into a really good friend guy named Wade, and I'm about to turn 21 at this point. Well, we all go out to celebrate my 21st birthday and I come back and hanging on the door is this little love note from Caitlin saying you know, basically, you know, I hope you enjoy your 21st birthday and you know all that sort of stuff, and you know. So what did I do? I called her up and was like what's happening? And next thing, you know, we're talking again and she's no longer with Corey. I don't necessarily know what happened there, as to why they they kind of stopped, but you know, she, she wanted to get back together with me and I took her back and I and I accepted her back, and that lasted only for a few months until it became clear again that, you know, her and Corey were doing things you know, on the. It just kind of was starting to develop again, let's just put it that way, right, and the separation just finally ended or finally took place.
Speaker 1:And it was at this moment it's 2008, at this point, basically summer of 2008 or just before summer, and I had made the decision to kind of try and run away from some of this stuff, right, and start somewhere fresh. And what better place than Tucson, arizona, for to go to college, down at U of A and 115 miles away from from Phoenix, and not necessarily too far, but you know what I thought was going to be far enough, but not necessarily the case. You can't necessarily run from problems like that, but that's what I tried to do. So I'm now, you know, at this point, down in in Tucson, living by myself, going to school at U of A, and I'm drinking constantly, doing pills to kind of, you know, deal with, you know, some of the mental health stuff, but more so, it was also during this period of time that I for the first time decided to seek out some sort of help to try to figure out what was going on inside, because, you know, unfortunately, I was starting to develop these really negative thoughts and, you know, self-worth was not there and I didn't necessarily see a future going forward and I'm, you know, 21, 22, heartbroken, you know that sort of thing. So I seek out, I seek out a psychiatrist, and this was the first time that I was diagnosed with any sort of mental health disorder, and what came back was, you know, depression and also manic bipolar, and I don't know if I was honestly, you know, correctly diagnosed at that time because, again, I was also utilizing a lot of different substances and was very up and down because of that. So the bipolar, I don't think necessarily stuck around, but I don't know. I mean, who knows, right, I don't. When I, let's tell, when I talk to people about my mental health, I definitely recognize that the depression that is absolutely there and definitely something that I still deal with to this to this, to this day.
Speaker 1:But at that moment in time I had a very different mindset on psych, you know psychiatry and psychiatric medicine and the medicines associated with mental health and do and taking them. To be honest, they felt like it was. I was a, it was degrading myself and again looking back on some of the influence that grandpa had on me, you know, telling me that you know, brandon, the one thing that you can control is your thoughts. During this time period I had felt zero control over my thoughts. I had very harmful thoughts to myself and it was at this moment that, you know, I gave in and decided, hey, you know, maybe I do need some medication, let's give it a shot. So I start taking some antidepressants and some other things, but I noticed that with these bipolar medications I was becoming very emotionless and not able to necessarily feel different things. And I was, my mood was not changing as far as happy or sad, it was just very. I was just kind of absent. I felt very absent mentally. So I stopped the bipolar medication and then took you know, it continued on with the, the depression, or the, the, the antidepressants.
Speaker 1:But this was kind of that first period of time during this breakup that some of those mental health issues started to come to light. Right, all of this baggage that was was being held back for several years during high school and you know, during the loss of these, these friends and my grandpa and you know, just all of this stuff is just coming to light and I'm having this, this breakdown of sorts. But you know, I wouldn't necessarily say we make it through, but more so, this was the, the beginning of you know, some severe addiction issues which you know we're about to just go ahead and jump into here in just a second. Okay, let's kind of close this topic off by saying you know, caitlin and I today we're still again, we're great friends.
Speaker 1:She played a very pivotal role during some of the legal issues that I had in my life. Caitlin today is a criminal defense attorney, believe it, and it's a she she man. And every time that I had to step in front of a judge to get sentenced, she was there having my back. And for someone who works for the state to come into the courthouse and stand in front of a judge who she has to work in front of professionally and come in on a personal note to stand next to a friend and to say the things that she said, it was just absolutely incredible. And not only did she do it once, but she did it twice.
Speaker 1:Today I now have my my civil rights reinstated for the most part everything but my gun rights. And now, again, I'm only three years out of prison, and it wasn't for because I did anything. It was because of Caitlin. Caitlin immediately pushed me to file most motions to to reinstate these rights, knowing how, how important they are, and she went through this all the leg, the the legwork to do so for me in the background, and it was just recently that I finally received notice and paperwork indicating that I now have my voting rights back. I have all of my civil rights back again, except for my gun rights, and again, I've never voted before. So I'm excited to finally be able to finally vote for the first time and feel like my voice matters. No gun rights, obviously just yet, but the time will come that I will be able to apply for those rights and as long as I remain a positive role model in society. Cross your fingers, hopefully I can make that happen, and I know that Caitlin's going to be able to be there to support me in those efforts.
Speaker 1:Lastly, guys, let's get into my new job, a new career choice, and the development of, of, of my addiction, not necessarily recognizing it as addiction at this moment in time, but definitely recognizing it as the years start to progress. But we get into, we get into pharmacy. We become a pharmacy technician in 2005, just before moving in with Chip actually and I start working as a pharmacy tech and I and I and I love it I decide that becoming a pharmacist is what I want to do with the rest of my life and I really take a strong passion for, for learning about the different medications and really what they do. And, man, it's just it was a great time. Unfortunately, it just wasn't the right career choice for me, for several different reasons and I really, unfortunately, here, guys, we're going to need to be a little bit vague, right, it's just the nature of the beast. There are some things that I'm comfortable sharing. There's some things that we just can't talk about. This is going to be. There's some things involving this topic that we just can't touch on, unfortunately.
Speaker 1:But the progression of the disease was there. It went from really alcohol and weed on a daily basis for the most part to really developing into this pill addiction. And it started off with, you know, vicodin and volume. And the amounts of Vicodin and volume that I started to consume were significant. And it started during the time period that, just before Caitlin and I had split for the first time. Remember, I was telling you guys, I was kind of absent during this period as far as emotionally. I was there physically, but outside of that, really not else, not anything else. This had a very significant part to play in that we would go to work, go to school, whatever it may be, but every single night ended with a, you know, 30 to 40 milligrams of Vicodin and anywhere between 40 to 60 milligrams of volume, which is insane. But that's what I did and it just started to develop and develop and next thing, you know, I have a buddy over at my apartment who had recently exited from the military due to a an injury, a back injury.
Speaker 1:And if anybody knows, during this time period during obviously this was the during the Iraqi war the military was handing out OxyContin like Skittles. It was the miracle drug. Purdue had marketed it that way, as the non-addictive pain killer that would solve everybody's problem. And that's that's what they did. And I had this buddy over who had this prescription for OxyContin. And I had this other buddy at the house who said, hey, don't just swallow that, you should snort it. And I said, okay, let's do it. And so next thing, you know, I'm breaking up this OxyContin pill and we're doing lines of OxyContin and I fall in love with this drug. I mean, who wouldn't? It was incredible. And that just became a progressive thing. We never, actually believe it, or not swallowed OxyContin ever throughout the entire progression of the disease. It was always something that I would break up and snort up my nose. But everything had changed and the risk I was, the risk I was willing to take to feed this addiction became significant. That's really all I can say on that, guys. It's just, it was.
Speaker 1:It was a period of time that I was making several wrong decisions and I was masking pain with this addiction, trying just to survive and make it through life without harming myself, but at the same time harming myself. Um, it was it, just it's what happened. But after I moved to Tucson I was able to keep the oxy cotton to really only the weekends. Still, you know, drinking, smoking, weed, taking value at night, that sort of thing, um, but the oxy cotton was just more of a, a weekend thing. But I would drive, I would drive to phoenix and and party with curt on the weekends, um, and then, you know, drive back down to Tucson Sunday night, monday morning, whatever, and start the, uh, the week of school and and and the, the Regular bullshit that I was doing, which was nothing, um, really absolutely nothing, uh, but I, I, I noticed that when I would get back to Tucson After doing, you know, a weekend full of oxy cotton, um, I would feel miserable on Monday, um, and so I started to save a little bit of oxy for Monday morning just to kind of kick start the week and notice that that was really that helped and I wasn't feeling as as bad on Monday mornings.
Speaker 1:But Then this began the trend of okay, well, if I'm feeling better on Mondays, maybe I just need to save a little bit for Tuesdays too, and that'll just kind of get me through the rest of the week, right? Well, you know, you get the point soon enough. I needed it every day, otherwise I would go into these. You know, terrible flu like symptoms that I didn't necessarily recognize as withdrawals at the time but eventually Definitely started to realize that without it, um, these withdrawals were becoming more severe and severe and severe, right, um. So it was just something that I did every day, um, and I needed it, otherwise I wouldn't be able to to really function. Uh, but noticing this and noticing how severe this addiction started to become, kurt and I decided you know, let's make a pact, let's just stop together completely. So we did, um, I thought we did, I, I did and I'm pretty sure kurt did too for a period of time.
Speaker 1:But you know, it's addiction and no one can really confirm and you can't really take someone's word for some of that stuff. But you know, I went back down to Tucson and kind of hid in my apartment and went through these withdrawals and kurt did the same up and up in mesa. But I noticed that at this time it was becoming too dangerous for me to continue On this, this career path as a pharmacy technician. It was just not going to work, right. So I quit my job and now I'm going to school, no income, borrowing against student loans to feed this addiction, um. But you know, that's kind of how it went, and it only lasted a short period of time before I picked it right back up.
Speaker 1:After, after this pact of quitting Right, I came back up to masona weekend and kurt and I, we were, uh, going camping and in the mood to party. So we were like, hey, let's just pick it up for this, this, this camping trip, right? Well, you know, we picked it back up and, sure enough, you know, come monday I'm picking up, picking up more, and back on the oxytrain we go. And this lasts for essentially the rest of college. But in december uh, of 2010 I Excuse me I graduated from from u of a, with a, a bachelor of science degree in nutritional sciences, dietetics, and a mate in a minor in chemistry. But I also graduated with a severe addiction to oxy cotton and the only place I had to go was to move back to mom's house.
Speaker 1:And with that, guys, we're going to wrap up today's episode. Next episode we're going to continue on the conversation with what, with what happens after college, now that we're living back at mom's house and again working Back in the pharmacy industry, the troubles that begin to take place. Living with mom, uh, you know, are you know anywhere from hiding a severe addiction Addiction? Uh, completely emotionally, physically broken, um, and eventually we find ourselves in rehab. So these are some of the things that we're going to cover on, uh, on the next episode. But again, guys, thank you for everyone tuning in to the another episode of of the successful degenerates. I cannot thank everyone enough for all of the support that you guys just continue to flood, flood me with and and man, I'm just so grateful. Thanks again, guys. Talk to you later. Degenerates.
